Times are crazy. From the world outside to the one inside of my home.
I struggle with being enough, doing enough, enduring enough, giving enough.
It brings to light all the ways I fail. The ways that I don't do what I ought, what I should, what would be better, what would be good.
Then I hear grace. I hear the words spoken by my pastor on Sunday morning. I hear them through the devotions I read and listen to throughout the week, but many times they fall on deaf ears.
My pride makes me want to be all, do all. All by myself.
Then comes Lent.
I want to be pious. I want to suffer as our Lord suffered. I want to drain myself of me and only see Him.
No matter how much I want my actions to justify my goodness, they won't.
My old Adam will rise again and have to be re-drowned. Sometimes minute by minute and definitely day by day.
I think of giving up something. Maybe it will help me focus, apply, learn. Maybe that small sacrifice will make it better.
But for me, it turns into a pat on the back thing. Something I can be proud of, something I have done.
It doesn't help me to reflect on Him more. To serve my family without asking "What about me?".
I've come to realize the only thing I can do is to bring my heart to the foot of the cross. To trust that He can empty me of myself and fill me gloriously up with Himself. That I can decrease and He can increase.
Only by grace. Only by faith. Only through scripture.
A few years ago during our Sunday school time we were discussing how good works should come forth. To me the picture was so clear. Our lives should be so full of Him that we can do naught but give. It should overflow out of us.
But my life doesn't always overflow. I get crabby, I say things I shouldn't. I don't feel very "Christian". Sometimes I am mean.
This is why the cross is so powerful. Christ, in His mercy, took my sins upon his shoulders. He died for my sake. He died for me while I was a sinner, full of blackness and nothing good.
He clothes me with His righteousness.
I can do NOTHING. Apart from Him, I am NOTHING.
I can never do enough. I don't have to.
It was done. On a cross on Calvary, my blackness was turned white.
My sin was washed away.
In Him, I am enough.
Because of Christ, I live.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2: 8&9